Upon Reflection with Mercury Retrograde
This Mercury Retrograde was one of the more difficult cycles I've experienced in recent months, but today as I reflect on all that has happened in the 3D, I'm finding myself grateful for all it has shown me. Because what I'm seeing is how strong and balanced within myself I've really become and how I'm no longer afraid to stand in my power and shine as bright as I'm meant to. The 3D illusions during the past month or so (really, since the beginning of the year) have been a force to be reckoned with--situations threatened instability, causing ego to flare before going through another layer of dissolution for my soul and intuition to rise more firmly. With Mercury Retrograde, wounds that I thought I had healed came back around for another layer of clearing. I had choices: was I going to perpetuate the cycle based on the old version of myself or was I going to change the pattern? I changed the pattern. Or, more accurately, I changed myself, allowed myself to grow and expand in ways I'm only now recognizing.
In times of great struggle, I communicated my needs and reached out for help from my community in what was one of the greatest spiritual lessons I could ever experience. There was actually more than one lesson here, but the main takeaways? That I have value just by who I am and not what I have to offer AND to be open to receiving love that I so freely give to others in return. I learned to speak up for myself and express my wants and my needs with more certainty. Standing up for myself and expressing myself authentically and vulnerably is something I've done in spades over the course of my life, even though it hasn't always been comfortable. There were times when I've been terrified to speak my truth and share my heart, afraid of putting myself out there to my family, friends, and even the public for fear of rejection or misunderstanding. But I did it anyway and felt amazing when I did.
Overcoming fear is like that. This past month has been next-level expression and vulnerability, unlocking parts of myself I had once hidden away and creating a sense of freedom and sovereignty I'd never before known. There has always been an underlying fear of confrontation--a fear that if I asserted myself too strongly, I would somehow lose who or what I love the most. But was I willing to sacrifice losing myself?
The answer, I learned, is a hell to the no.
But there was more. Not only did I allow myself to be increasingly more vulnerable in expressing my heart (and sometimes my ego) with my loved ones, but I stood up for myself.
I stood up against manipulation. I stood up against control. I stood up against the distorted desire to fix and heal, recognizing that it's my job to only guide.
I stood up against people trying to dim my light because they felt I was shining too bright. I say to them... LET'S ALL SHINE BRIGHTER. I stood up to feeling the need to prove myself--even when others have subconsciously tried to test my love. And I stood up to myself--to my shadow aspects and my own feelings of jealousy, self-sabotage, not feeling good enough or having enough faith in myself and in the divine unfolding that is this beautiful life. People say that life is a game to be played. But that keeps us trapped in the 3D illusion, the same old cycles of win or lose, manipulation and control, us versus them. Instead, I view life as something to be abundantly lived, joyfully manifested, co-created and cherished.
I'm standing up for that, too. This life is a journey and I often make mistakes. But mistakes are experiences in which we learn and grow. Today, I'm reflecting back on where I was and where I am now and how much I've learned and grown. Today, I'm damn proud of how far I've come. Let's all be proud of how far we've come.